Wedding Toasts

Wedding Toasts

Tips on giving a wedding toast::

1. Be concise. Single people are pissed that they're not getting married and married people have heard enough crappy toasts. So hurry it up so folks can get to what they really came for: the booze.

2. You don't have to be an English major to know that like any good story, the opening should tie in with the closing. It's a sound structure and it'll make you sound like you actually put more than 2 minutes into the toast.

3. Balance the sappy love stuff with a few jokes. And remember, no one wants to wade through your 5 minute thesis on what love meant to Neruda.

4. Don't mention the bachelor/bachelorette party. And don't mention the old boy(girl)friends.

5. Anecdotes should make sense to the audience. Inside jokes that no one gets will not only lose points with the audience but leaves room for speculation that you're talking about some kinky sexual experience.

6. Speak clearly and firmly. Being a little tipsy off of Hen or So Co is no excuse for f^^^^^ up the toast.

7. Get into 8 Mile mode and get the crowd involved.

8. Close strong with a reaffirming statement about the couples love. Remember, the divorce rate is 50% and everyone is secretly taking bets on how long it's all going to last. Make the parents feel good about the $50K they dropped on the ceremony and reception by talking about how the couple will last forever.